Recommended Books about Infant Loss and Grief
My friend, who lost a baby shortly after birth, gave me this book that is organized around the study of the Old Testament book of Job, a man who experienced tremendous loss in the Bible. It is a very deep book and the author has been through the loss of two special needs babies herself and is a leader in the Griefshare ministry.
After my eight-week session with the Empty Arms support group at my church ended, the couples in my group felt that they would like to continue meeting monthly. We used the Anchored Bible Study to continue processing our losses over the next year. The Anchored Bible Study has helpful discussion tools for grieving mothers to find hope and healing in Christ and in community. The book also addresses how grief affects our marriages and how to hold fast to truth. At the end of each chapter, different mothers share their stories about their babies that help the reader know that she is not alone.
This was the first book I read the first month after my loss. My friend, who had lost a child to Trisomy 18, gave me this book. Angie writes about her raw feelings at the time and voices a lot of the same questions that I had. This book is especially helpful for parents who have a child with a known prenatal genetic defect and encourages them in the decision to carry to term. The end of the book also briefly deals with sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). I like how the book includes the husband’s perspective too. Often, men and women grieve differently, and sometimes others are so focused on the mother’s grief that the father’s grief is overlooked. Angie and her husband also composed a beautiful song with the same title in memory of their daughter Audrey. The book has useful resources about how to talk with your young children about the death of a child.
These little booklets articulated so succinctly so much of what I was going through, especially when it was difficult to concentrate and read while shedding many tears, and recovering from my c-section. I am so thankful for a friend who committed to sending me one of these booklets every quarter for the first year after my baby died. When the meal trains were over and others had moved on with their lives, it was a comfort to know that a friend continued to remember my baby’s life as I was still healing from the aftermath. It comforted me to know that others were still thinking of my loss and not rushing me to get over my grief quickly, but giving me time to process it all.
The administrative assistant at the mortuary actually recommended this book to me and my husband, since we had lost a child. I felt comforted reading this book because Pastor Levi Lusko vividly depicts the feelings and thoughts that accompany the sudden death of a child, but offers readers hope through sharing how his child’s death impacted his community for good and made him look at life with an eternal perspective.
This book was given to me by our Empty Arms support group leaders at our last session together. It tenderly answers many questions about where our baby is and other questions grieving parents may have about their baby.
A friend of my parents gave this book to us at our son’s memorial service. Inscribed in our copy is a note about how the book encouraged them in the loss of their own son. Randy Alcorn delves deeply in exploring what heaven will be like and writes how often we wrongly focus on earthly things, instead of taking the time to learn about heavenly things. He urges the reader to consider how we will be spending more time in eternity in heaven than here on earth. Truly after our baby’s death, our family has a whole different view of heaven, and we think of it a lot more now that our baby is there. By God’s grace, we hope to see him there again one day.
My friend texted me this quote from Lysa TerKeurst’s book:
Father,
This world is broken and broken things happen–yes. Even still, I can’t help but feel utterly shattered and disillusioned when heartbreak is a part of my story. I don’t like this–I don’t like dust. But dust is one of Your favorite ingredients to use when making something new, and I believe You are working right now to do this very thing in my life. I know You will never forsake me, but that You will go to great lengths to remake me. Thank You.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way (p.31)
Then my cousin gave me this book, since her moms’ group was studying it too. I took that as a sign that I should probably pick up this book after getting two recommendations to read it. Lysa is very transparent and vulnerable in her writings about life’s unexpected twists and turns after being such a successful Christian speaker and author. Although it does not directly address infant loss, it definitely helped me process my own pain and suffering and how God can transform broken things, even mundane things like dust, to shape my life into something good.
Breathing Through Grief: A Devotional Journal for Seasons of Loss by Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young
I felt like my heart stopped when my son’s heart stopped beating too. Breathing Through Grief: A Devotional Journal for Seasons of Loss, addresses that very real pain and tension I felt of getting the wind knocked out of me and feeling breathless after the shock and unexpected loss of my loved one. This book is a healing balm that gently guides you to breathe again and release your pain to God and find that He is holding you in your grief.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young is a trusted voice and is familiar with loss having experienced it when she suddenly became a widow of three young children. She weaves in biblical truths with authentic stories from her grief journey that the reader can relate to easily.
The format of this book is beautifully designed, soothing to read, and there is space to journal your thoughts and responses to the reflection questions after each devotional. The book literally gives you room to breathe and permission to grieve. The author encourages readers to pour out their hearts’ cries honestly and addresses different emotions readers may experience when triggers arise from trauma: anger, envy, frustration, guilt, sadness, and shame; yet it offers true hope in Christ and His word.
The book includes practical ways to process your grief: breath prayers, lament, activities and conversations to help children talk about heaven and when someone they love dies, and how to honor and remember your loved one and create new memories.
I also like the sparse text that makes the book not so overwhelming to read. I remember experiencing brain fog after my son died and it was difficult to read dense texts. I am glad this book does not feel weighty though it is confronting a heavy topic. In fact, the book lightened my grief and helped me unload the burdens I was carrying from my loss. It reminded me that I was not alone.
I highly recommend this book to provide soul care and to help calm and comfort those who are experiencing loss.