Ways to Remember Your Baby
Plant a tree or forget-me-nots.
Many years ago, a friend showed me a beautiful fruit tree planted in the center of her large orchard where we often gathered for different events. She told me that the tree was planted in memory of her daughter who died less than two weeks after birth. We were not especially close, but as soon as my baby died, her story popped into my mind and I contacted her right away. If she had not shared about her loss, I would not have known who to turn to that understood the agony of having to bury your baby. The tree keeps the memory of my friend’s daughter alive and allows her to converse about her baby, while offering hope to other grieving moms.
Release some balloons.
On the last day of our Empty Arms support group, our leaders gave each couple a balloon, or balloons if they had multiple miscarriages, symbolizing the lives of our babies. As we released the balloons together to the sky, I thought it was a beautiful picture of all our babies together in heaven. They were not alone and neither were we. We had found a loving community of other parents who understood our pain.
Decide on a charity to honor your baby.
We chose in lieu of flowers to ask friends and family to donate to help a ministry that cares for orphans and vulnerable children instead.
You can register a team with family and friends to do a remembrance walk in honor of your baby.
Most organizations that coordinate remembrance walks for those who have lost a baby host them during the month of October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
We felt less alone when our family and friends teamed up in a remembrance walk with us and were there when they announced our baby’s name during the event. Truly, grief feels different, knowing that you have a team surrounding you. I highly encourage you to go on an annual remembrance walk, even if you cannot form a team. When you see the hundreds of other families who have also suffered the loss of a baby, you realize that there is an entire local community that understands how you feel.
Wooden Letter
I won a raffle prize at the OC Walk To Remember for a free letter from Lorraine’s Letters. It is actually pretty amazing that the owner of the business was able to decipher my name, since my daughter filled out the raffle ticket with kindergarten handwriting. Lorraine’s Letters was founded by a mom who also lost a baby and is such a sweet lady having talked to her personally. She personalizes the wooden letters with your baby’s name, birthday, favorite scripture, and favorite colors. It is a very beautiful decoration to display in your home.
Candles
Every October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Families are encouraged to light a candle to symbolize the light of their child who has died. I really like these candles from The Proverbs Company. The scents are very soothing and delightful. I have given them to other friends that have experienced a loss of a baby too. Lighting a candle on your baby’s birthday is another thoughtful way to remember your baby. You can take a photo of your lit candle and post it on social media and forward it to your friends and family to keep the memory of your baby alive.
Make a Christmas ornament.
In my infant loss support group we made Christmas ornaments with our baby’s name and footprint stickers. You could also attach your baby’s photo and write your baby’s birthday on the ornament.
Customize a Christmas stocking.
Hang up a Christmas stocking personalized with your baby’s name.
Make a birthday cake.
On what would have been our baby’s first birthday, our family baked a traditional Chinese New Year cake called “nian gao”, to remember him. “Nian” means “year” in Chinese. Here is my easy recipe to make nian gao. It didn’t feel right to sing “Happy Birthday”, so instead, my father suggested singing, “Jesus Loves Me” instead. That seemed to make more sense since Jesus was taking care of our baby in heaven now.
